News in Brief

From The Onion Scientist Has Nagging Feeling He Left Particle Accelerator On CHICAGO—University of Chicago particle physicist Matthew Sharp drove halfway home before he was struck with the fear that he’d left the Argonne Tandem Linac Accelerator System running Tuesday…

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News in Brief

From The Onion: Teen Learns The Negligible Value Of A Dollar ASHLAND, WI—After earning $5 for mowing his family’s half-acre lawn, 13-year-old Andrew Mink learned the negligible value of a dollar at the town’s sporting-goods store Sunday. “Pops dropped me…

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